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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22536292">wed stay up late into the night talkin man to crab drinking swapping stories waxin about all our shared interests like seaweed and our deep seated fear of melted butter</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/itsdave/pseuds/itsdave'>itsdave</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Homestuck</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>M/M, Meteorstuck, Retcon Timeline</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-02-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-02-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-04-28 13:20:15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>5,658</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22536292</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/itsdave/pseuds/itsdave</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Dave and Karkat talk about family and the finer points of garbage collection.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Dave Strider/Karkat Vantas</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>224</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>wed stay up late into the night talkin man to crab drinking swapping stories waxin about all our shared interests like seaweed and our deep seated fear of melted butter</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p><span class="dave">DAVE: ok hit me with another</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: OK.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: UMMMM.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: RUFFIANNIHILATOR.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: hahaha oh my god dude</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: that one is so fuckin ridiculous</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: shit what am i saying theyre all ridiculous who am i tryna fool here</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: oh damn</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: i think im gonna have to go with...</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: uh</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: COME ON DAVE, YOU GOTTA PICK.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: yeah yeah i know chill</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: uhhhhhh</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: fake</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: YEAH?</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: yep definitely fake there is no way that was a fuckin job</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: NOPE. REAL.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: whaaat</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: TOTALLY ONE HUNDRED PERCENT REAL.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: son of a dick</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: HAHAHA!</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: what the fuck does a ruffiannihilator even do</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: I MEAN...</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: THEY ANNIHILATE.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: annihilate what</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: WHATEVER THEY NEED TO.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: hahaha oh my god</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: AND THEY’RE RUFFIANS.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: ISN’T IT OBVIOUS FROM THE NAME?</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: bahaha yeah i guess it kinda is</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: in retrospect it all seems so fuckin clear</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: how did i ever doubt you karkat</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: OK.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: GIVE ME ONE.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: hm</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: ok</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: ...</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: paper clip bender</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: HM.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: I’M GONNA GO WITH FAKE.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: you sure bro</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: I’M SO FUCKING SURE.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: damn yep thats right</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: total bullshit</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: shit youre good at this</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: AM I DAVE? OR IS HUMAN CULTURE JUST GROSSLY UNDER-EVOLVED AND EASY TO INTERPRET?</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: dude just take the fuckin compliment you had goddamn ruffiannihilators</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: if you think you got room to judge just point me to it bro i got a lotta unbent paperclips and nowhere to put em</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: HAHAHA!</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: SORRY.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: ok hit me again</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: HM.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: ...</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: MANGLER</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: what thats just a regular word</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: NO, IT’S NOT.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: THERE’S A STRESS ON THE “ANGLER” PART.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: oh jesus of course there is</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: IT’S A VIOLET BLOOD PROFESSION.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: oh no the fuckin fish people</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: YEP.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: ugh the fish people always throw me way off my game</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: its like whoever was makin trolls said ok cool you finally think you got shit under control</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: like this hot worldbuliding garbage is finally making some kinda bizarro dream-sense at the very least</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: you can tell your grubs from your nooks most of the time like at least enough to get a passing grade and not have to do fucking troll summer school</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: well too fuckin bad asshole heres a whole nother mess of folks with gills and racist overtones and the worst puns you ever heard in your fucking life</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: have fun</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: TO BE FAIR, ALL OUR JOBS ARE KIND OF PUNS.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: yeah true but mangler is a goddamn nightmare</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: you know what</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: no</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: while i could totally see it being real</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: cuz the fuckin fish people never cease to amaze me with their bullshit</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: bullshit off the charts by even the bullshittiest troll standards</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: im gonna say no</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: NO?</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: yeah no</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: i refuse to dignify mANGLER with a guess in the positive</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: i dont even care if that shits real or not im gonna make it not real by sheer force of will</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: i absolutely refuse to believe it exists</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: if it does ill eat my hat</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: OH YEAH?</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: yeah you heard it here first karkat</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: i know youre thinkin dave you dont have a hat your luscious locks are always blowin freely in the stale laboratory air</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: well dont you worry</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: im gonna alchemize one</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: HA!</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: yeah thats right and were not talkin like a little yarmulke or anything im goin for a big ten gallon rhinestone cowboy hat</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: gonna make that fucker cover it in a1 steak sauce and go to town on it if fucking mANGLER was a real troll job</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: ...</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: BREAK OUT THE GRIST, BITCH.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: oh god dammit</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: HAHAHA!</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: what the fuck does a mANGLER do anyway</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: do they just like beat up fish or what</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: THEY...</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: ...</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: WAIT...</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: OH MY GOD.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: what</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: I... I CAN’T REMEMBER.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: haha what</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: OH FUCK!</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: YOU SAID THAT THING ABOUT BEATING UP FISH, AND NOW THAT’S LITERALLY ALL I CAN PICTURE.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: holy shit</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: I’M SERIOUS!</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: WHAT THE FUCK...</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: oh my god karkat what if i actually willed mANGLER into nonexistence</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: YOU DIDN’T FUCKING DO THAT, DAVE.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: i donno man that hat imagery was powerful shit</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: UGH.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: NO, I JUST...</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: IT FEELS LIKE SUCH BASIC SHIT, BUT I HAVEN’T ACTUALLY *THOUGHT* ABOUT IT IN SO LONG...</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: hey maybe you did actually make it up</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: NO, GOD DAMMIT, IT’S FUCKING REAL!</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: holy shit i bet you did</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: i knew it i fucking knew it</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: IF I MADE IT UP I’D MAKE UP A FUCKING JOB DESCRIPTION, TOO!</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: hahaha</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: SHUT THE FUCK UP!</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: YOU CAN LAUGH! YOU’RE USED TO SHIT LIKE THIS!</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: THIS IS A FUCKING STRIDER CLASSIC.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: yeah youre right this is a pretty standard dave move i can own that im not ashamed of my shortcomings</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: YEAH, I KNOW.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: BUT *MY* MIND ISN’T A FUCKING SIEVE MADE OF CRUDELY LASHED TOGETHER RAP LYRICS AND PIXELS.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: THIS IS KIND OF CREEPING ME OUT.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: hey man its fine</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: its been a whole sweep since you were on alternia</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: its been a long fuckin time</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: youre allowed to forget some shit</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: AM I??</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: yeah totally</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: its been so long dude</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: and youve been hangin out with me so much</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: all gettin your mind poisoned by my conflicting earth shit</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: *THATS* DEFINITELY TRUE.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: thats why we do shit like this</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: gotta keep our minds sharp</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: WE’RE KEEPING OUR MINDS SHARP BY SNUGGLING AND NAMING LONG-DEAD CAREERS?</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: hell yes we are</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: HEH.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: this is part of our rigorous mental and physical regimen karkat</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: ...I DON’T THINK WE’VE MOVED FOR THREE HOURS, DAVE.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: three hours twenty actually</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: OH YEAH?</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: yeah were doin half hour reps</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: we got three more after this one before we can take a break for orange slices</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: WHAT EXACTLY CONSTITUTES A REP, HERE?</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: pretty much just lyin still all cuddled up for half an hour</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: its hard to tell the reps apart</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: its also pretty hard to tell em from non rep activities</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: thats why its important to keep track of time</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: HM.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: lucky for you youre snugglin with a fucking KNIGHT of time</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: your reps are safe theyre in good hands karkat you dont have to worry about a thing</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: THANK GOD.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: mm hmm</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: and you know what</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: if the regimen fails and we never recover the nuances of those long dead mertrolls punching salmon in the head for a living</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: i think well make it karkat i think well be ok</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: YEAH, I GUESS.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: we totally will were survivors man</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: ...</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: ok i got another</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: YEAH?</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: yep</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: WHAT IS IT?</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: waste management specialist</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: HMM...</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: FAKE.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: ayy the streak is broken</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: WHAT? THAT’S FUCKING REAL??</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: so real</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: SERIOUSLY?</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: WHAT THE FUCK IS IT?</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: uh its like a fancy word for garbage collector</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: WAIT.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: WHAT?</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: THAT WAS A JOB??</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: uh yeah definitely</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: was it</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: like</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: NOT on your planet</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: NO, DEFINITELY NOT.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: well then what the fuck</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: WHAT?</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: what do you mean what</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: you guys had trash right</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: SURE.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: well then</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: ??</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: dont give me that coy ass look man whatd you fuckin do with it</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: IT GOT EATEN.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: what the hell eaten by WHO</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: WORMS.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: bahaha what</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: YEAH.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: THERE WERE THESE GIANT WORMS THAT WOULD COME OUT DURING THE DAY AND ROAM THE STREETS.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: AND THEY’D EAT ALL THE TRASH.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: holy shit</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: IT’S WHAT THEY LIVED ON.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: SO YOU COULD JUST... YOU KNOW...</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: TOSS YOUR TRASH OUT THE WINDOW.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: oh my god</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: AND THE WORMS WOULD ALWAYS COME AND EAT IT.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: they came out every day</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: YEAH. THANK GOD TOO, BECAUSE NOBODY WAS OUT DURING THE DAY.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: IF THEY WERE THEY PROBABLY WOULD’VE GOTTEN EATEN.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: THOSE WORMS WERE *NOT* DISCRIMINATE.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: haha oh my god</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: i have heard a LOT of troll bullshit in my time</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: as im sure you know since it all came from you youre my number one man on the inside</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: but i think this one might be the trolliest bullshittiest of them all</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: this one takes the fuckin cake this is unreal</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: HEH.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: but wait hold up</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: that means at night</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: like when all the trolls were out merrily dancing in the streets and havin five way mack sessions or whatever</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: there was just trash everywhere</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: WELL, YEAH.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: also people were like actively tossin it out their windows</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: all grub banana peels and used fang floss and old shipping grids balled up in acts of extreme quadrant frustration</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: NOBODY ACTUALLY MADE FUCKING SHIPPING GRIDS.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: ok thats a total lie but who cares we got bigger fish to fry here</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: karkat</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: youre telling me where you grew up there was literal garbage raining down from the sky</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: WELL NOT *RAINING.*</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: hahaha that fuckin PLACE</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: YEAH...</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: IT HAD ITS PROBLEMS.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: dude you were legally supposed to be murdered as a baby</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: IT HAD A LOT OF PROBLEMS.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: im so glad you can admit that karkat i really am</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: OK BUT WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO WITH *YOUR* TRASH, THEN?</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: LIKE...</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: *PEOPLE* WOULD COME AND TAKE IT?</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: yeah they would cuz we were fresh outta giant monster worms</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: also youd put it in a bag and hold onto it til trash day</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: which was once a week</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: then and only then did you put it out on the street</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: thats so you could goddamn move without fear of takin an old plate of spaghetti to the face by the way</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: novel ass concept i know</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: THEN somebodyd come and take it away</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: DID THEY... EAT IT?</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: no they didnt fucking eat it</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: they just took it</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: and like</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: put it somewhere else</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: WHAT THE FUCK?</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: yeah like in a big pile somewhere else where you didnt have to look at it</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: THAT'S DISGUSTING!</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: AND YOU JUST KEPT THAT SHIT IN YOUR HIVE FOR A WHOLE WEEK FIRST!</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: yeah its way more hygienic to just toss it on the fuckin world below til the WORMS come</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: YES DAVE IT ABSOLUTELY IS.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: haha</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: HAHA!</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: yeah anyway worms aside waste management specialist is also just kind of an inherently funny job</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: WHY?</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: cuz thats what tony soprano always said he did</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: despite the fact that he was actually always just whackin chumps and hangin out at the strip joint and stuffin his face fulla pasta</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: oh shit</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: did you guys not have the sopranos</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: I DON’T THINK SO.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: WHAT WAS IT?</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: oh damn it was this awesome show about this mob family</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: oh shit wait i guess thats it</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: you guys didnt have families</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: guess you still coulda had the mob</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: although hell who needs organized crime when everythings just kinda legal anyway</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: OH THERE WAS STILL DEFINITELY ORGANIZED CRIME.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: but no sopranos huh what a fuckin waste</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: ...</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: does the whole family thing still weird you out</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: WHAT DO YOU MEAN?</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: i mean like with rose and me</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: does it creep you out that we look so much alike</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: DAVE, I CAN’T FUCKING CLOSE MY EYES WITHOUT RUNNING INTO WEIRD DOPPELGANGER VERSIONS OF EVERYONE I’VE EVER KNOWN.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: I AM LONG PAST BEING “WEIRDED OUT” BY THAT.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: yeah but its different with rose and me</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: were not identical</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: were just like</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: similar</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: which i could totally get being way creepier</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: IS that creepy for you</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: NO, IT WAS NEVER REALLY THE PHYSICAL SIMILARITIES THAT GOT TO ME.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: LIKE SURE, IF I KNOW TO LOOK FOR IT I CAN TELL YOU HAVE SOME OF THE SAME GENETIC TRAITS.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: BUT HONESTLY IF I DIDN’T KNOW ANY BETTER I DON’T THINK I’D NOTICE.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: oh holy shit karkat are you seriously sayin we all look the same to you dude that is so uncool</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: SHUT THE FUCK UP, NO I’M NOT!</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: THERE’S ONLY FUCKING TWO OF YOU, ANYWAY, SO THAT SENTENCE MEANS JACK SHIT.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: haha</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: NO, BUT IT’S REALLY MORE THE... PSYCHOLOGICAL IMPLICATIONS OF FAMILY.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: THAT’S WHAT WEIRDS ME OUT.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: THE IDEA THAT THERE’S THIS OTHER PERSON YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO BE CONNECTED TO NO MATTER WHAT.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: you dont feel that way about me</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: SHUT THE FUCK UP NO I DON’T, BECAUSE I FUCKING *CHOOSE* TO BE CONNECTED TO YOUR BRAINDEAD ASS!</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: THOUGH GOD HELP ME SOMETIMES I HAVE TROUBLE REMEMBERING WHY.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: you love my braindead ass karkat</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: UGH.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: YEAH I GUESS I DO.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: :D</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: HAHA</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: BUT YOU SEE WHAT I MEAN?</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: TROLLS UNDERSTAND FULL WELL WHAT IT’S LIKE TO CHOOSE TO BE COMMITTED TO SOMEONE.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: WE’RE ALL ABOUT THAT.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: THAT’S OUR “JAM” AS YOU’D PROBABLY FUCKING CALL IT.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: i didnt say shit man that jam was all you</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: OH MY GOD, I GUESS IT WAS.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: :D</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: *ANYWAY*</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: IT’S THAT OBLIGATORY COMMITMENT THAT’S SO FOREIGN TO ME.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: AND HONESTLY... THE WHOLE IDEA JUST SOUNDS INCREDIBLY OVERWHELMING AND...</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: SMOTHERING.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: hm</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: yeah i guess i could see that</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: but</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: oh shit wait</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: love you too by the way</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: HAHA!</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: cant forget that dont want you gettin all whiney</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: SHUT THE FUCK UP, I DON’T GET WHINEY!</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: sure</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: I FUCKING DON’T!!</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: hahaha</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: anyway</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: what was i sayin</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: ...YOU SAID “BUT.”</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: oh thats right</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: HAHAHA</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: before i got derailed by your insatiable romantic neediness karkat</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: OH MY GOD-</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: i was gonna ask you how your lusus falls into all this</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: WHAT DO YOU MEAN?</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: i mean</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: he was kinda your dad wasnt he</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: i know you dont have “dad” as a concept like god forbid we actually use an analogous human family word here</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: but yknow</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: he raised you</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: and you didnt choose him</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: werent you basically committed to him</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: HM.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: WELL I DIDN’T CHOOSE HIM, BUT HE DID CHOOSE ME.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: oh yeah</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: YEAH.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: I DON’T KNOW... I GUESS I JUST KIND OF TRUSTED THAT HE CHOSE ME FOR A GOOD REASON.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: I NEVER DWELLED ON IT TOO MUCH.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: huh</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: i donno</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: that sounds kinda like family</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: HM. MAYBE.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: I THINK IT’S STILL PRETTY DIFFERENT THOUGH. IT WASN’T LIKE HUMANS JUST FUCKING RAISING OTHER HUMANS.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: yeah disgusting right</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: FUCKING YES, THAT’S RIGHT!</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: hahaha</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: LIKE... HE WASN’T A TROLL.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: HE WAS LITERALLY A MONSTER.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: hahaha oh my god</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: ...</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: tell me about him</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: OK. UM.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: HE WAS PRETTY BIG FOR A LUSUS. NOT THE BIGGEST BY A LONG SHOT, BUT IT’S STILL A LITTLE SURPRISING CONSIDERING HOW PATHETIC I AM.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: oh what shut the fuck up karkat youre not pathetic
</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: EHH</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: no fuck that shut up</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: but keep talking</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: just not about that</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: HEH.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: how big we talkin here</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: UM, MAYBE FIFTEEN FEET.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: tall??</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: YEAH. BUT HE CROUCHED A LOT, SO HE PROBABLY COULD’VE BEEN WAY TALLER.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: holy shit dude</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: really?</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: YEAH!</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: oh my god this is blowing my mind</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: theres a big hole on the side of my mind and every mental picture i ever had of you as a kid is just tumbling out like a bunch of popcorn when it comes out the top of the popcorn popping thing</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: like usually i got way better imagery than this you know that karkat but my brain is workin overtime here plus its got that big hole in it so thats the best youre gonna fuckin get</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: seriously this is just completely fucking my worldview</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT, DAVE?</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: i thought you were raised by a crab</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: YEAH, I WAS!</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: no i mean like</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: like a crab crab</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: like a tiny little guy like in the red lobster commercials</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: like this big</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: WHAT??</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: I WASN’T RAISED BY AN *ACTUAL* CRAB, DAVE!</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: well how the fuck was i supposed to know that</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: THAT WOULD BE SO FUCKING STUPID!</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: HE WAS A LUSUS!</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: A GIANT ALL-WHITE CRAB MONSTER NATIVE TO THE BROODING CAVERNS FAR BENEATH ALTERNIA’S SURFACE!</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: hahaha</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: oh my god dude you know that sounds way more insane right</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: MY “DAD” DIDN’T COME FROM A FUCKING RED LOBSTER!</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: hahahaha</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: shit im sorry</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: HMMF.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: aw shh karkat im not tryna offend you bro i promise</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: WELL YOU’VE GOT A FUCKING TERRIBLE WAY OF SHOWING IT, DAVE.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: oh no im sorry man</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: hey look on the bright side the truth is way sweeter</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: arent you glad i wasnt picturin you all this time with a big cool ass monster the size of a house and you had to break it to me that your dad was actually fuckin sebastian from the little mermaid with rubber bands on his claws</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: ...I GUESS.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: aw thats the spirit</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: tell me some more about him</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: MM.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: cmon karkat seriously i wanna hear about him i wanna know what he was like</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: I DONNO, THERE’S NOT A WHOLE LOT TO TELL.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: HE WAS NICE. HE PROTECTED ME.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: mm</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: HE COULDN’T TALK.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: AT LEAST NOT UNTIL THE GAME.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: THAT WAS... THAT WAS REALLY COOL, ACTUALLY.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: MAYBE THEN WE GOT KIND OF CLOSE TO YOUR FUCKED UP IDEA OF FAMILY.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: WHEN WE COULD FINALLY REALLY COMMUNICATE WITH EACH OTHER.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: ...</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: I MISS HIM.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: aw oh no karkat</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: im sorry man</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: i didnt mean to-</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: NO, NO IT’S OK.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: I HONESTLY HADN’T THOUGHT ABOUT HIM IN A WHILE. IT’S NICE TO...</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: TO BRING HIM UP AGAIN.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: i wish i coulda met him</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: HEH. YEAH. THAT WOULD’VE BEEN INTERESTING.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: he coulda chased me out your bedroom window</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: pants around my ankles</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: claws clackin as he shakes his big crabby fist</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: all shoutin no son of mine is gonna date an alien</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: HE COULDN’T FUCKING TALK, DAVE.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: naw this is in the game when he could</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: WELL OK THEN.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: CARRY THE FUCK ON!</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: you know im gonna</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: HAHA!</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: yeah anyway hed chase me off all protective of your purity and shit</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: PFF</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: but then id just come back the next day all in my finest freshly alchemized duds</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: bottle of scotch in hand</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: and id charm his ass off</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: OH YEAH?</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: yeah definitely charm it right off</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: crab ass all over the floor</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: EUGH.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: yeah its straight up nasty</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: anyway after we got his butt all reattached</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: wed stay up late into the night talkin</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: man to crab</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: drinking</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: swapping stories</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: waxin about all our shared interests</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: like seaweed</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: and uh</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: our deep seated fear of melted butter</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: OH MY GOD.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: hed show me embarrassing wiggler photos of you</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: OH NO.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: oh yes</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: itd be a fine time and by the end of it wed share a great mutual respect</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: OH YEAH?</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: hell yeah he cant think of a better young man to be wooin his son</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: im invited to the next perigees eve</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: guest of honor</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: HAHA JEGUS.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: thats exactly how it woulda gone down karkat</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: there is not a doubt in my mind</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: YEAH, YOU’RE PROBABLY RIGHT.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: i know i am</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: ...</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: ...</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: I GUESS I KIND OF AM ACTUALLY GOING TO GET TO MEET YOUR GUARDIAN.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: ...</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: YOUR BRO, I MEAN.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: yeppppppp</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: i guess you are</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: SORRY. WE DON’T HAVE TO-</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: no hell its fine were already talkin about it why the fuck not</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: I SHOULDN’T HAVE BROUGHT IT-</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: i said its fine karkat</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: i mean it is definitely gonna be a thing that happens maybe its better if i get used to the idea now</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: carpet bomb a couple nice conversations yknow ease into it nice and slow</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: OH FUCK.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: no hush its not your fault i was already thinkin about it</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: it was the obvious direction for this conversation to go anyway</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: i mean cmon it was either this or really artificially goin back to our silly job naming game</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: WE CAN ACTUALLY DO THAT IF YOU WANT, DAVE.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: IT DOESN’T MATTER IF IT’S ARTIFICIAL.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: WE CAN LITERALLY JUST SAY “THAT’S WHAT WE’RE TALKING ABOUT NOW” AND DO IT.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: SHIT.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: WE SHOULD DO THAT.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: no</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: fuck</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: im serious its ok karkat</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: im not gonna break just from talkin about him</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: ...</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: ...OK.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: and anyway its not like im gonna be meeting actual him</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: its gonna be some kid bizarro version of him</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: maybe that wont be so bad</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: maybe it wont be anything</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: shit maybe itll be fine maybe he wont even remind me of my bro at all</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: ...</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: yeah ok youre right thats prolly not gonna happen</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: I DIDN’T SAY ANYTHING.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: heh yeah i know</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: thanks man</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: ...</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: DO YOU WANNA TELL ME WHAT YOU’RE WORRIED ABOUT?</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: ha</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: FUCK. THAT CAME OUT WRONG.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: I KNOW YOU’RE WORRIED ABOUT A TON OF THINGS.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: SOME THINGS YOU CAN’T EVEN EXPRESS.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: fuuck</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: UM.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: I GUESS WHAT I MEAN IS</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: CAN YOU TELL ME ABOUT ONE OF THOSE THINGS?</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: EVEN JUST A SMALL THING.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: IN DETAIL.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: MAYBE IT’LL HELP TO TALK ABOUT IT.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: MAKE IT A LITTLE LESS LIKE SOME NAMELESS DREAD, YOU KNOW?</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: MORE LIKE SOMETHING YOU CAN SAY OUT LOUD.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: ...</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: OR NOT!</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: SORRY, THIS WAS STUPID!</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: no shut up karkat its not stupid</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: um</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: ok</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: ...</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: ...</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: im worried about him meeting you</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: ...YOU ARE?</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: yeppp</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: and thats not your fault ok that has nothing to fuckin do with you youre great youre amazing</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: he should be so fuckin pumped to get to meet you dude oh my god</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: but like</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: ...</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: that silly scene i laid out about your lusus chasin me out of your room</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: i could uh</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: i could see somethin like that actually transpiring</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: not the whole fucking kooky out the window scenario obviously</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: just the uh</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: sentiment</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: ...BECAUSE I’M AN ALIEN?</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: nooooope</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: ...</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: OH.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: yeah</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: SHIT.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: i mean im not gonna let it bother me obviously</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: because seriously fuck that guy and fuck that whole line of thought</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: just</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: i donno</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: i dont want him to say anything bad to you</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: i mean he can say whatever the fuck he wants to me but hes NOT fuckin going anywhere NEAR you i am gonna fuckin SEE to that</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: DAVE...</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: but hey like i said</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: hes gonna be a totally different person maybe</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: so who the fuck knows</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: maybe itll be fine</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: maybe it wont even come up</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: shit maybe by some weird twist of fate hes fuckin gayer than me!</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: ...MAYBE.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: haha i doubt it</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: but jesus fuck wouldnt that be somethin</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: shit maybe thats where rose and i got it from</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: WAIT, IS THAT HOW THAT WORKS??</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: haha no i dont think thats how that works</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: just</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: boy that would be such a wild and not totally out of line explanation for certain elements of my upbringing</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: HM.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: shit i donno</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: thats not actually whats gonna fuckin happen so</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: i guess maybe i should just try to focus on not comin out all guns blazing</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: or you know</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: swords blazing or whatever the hell</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: just in case he is actually fine with you</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: that would be just my shit ass luck that i accidentally poison a nice introduction cuz im just so fuckin primed for it all to go to hell</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: YOU DON’T HAVE TO PROTECT ME, DAVE.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: uh thats a hundred percent wrong karkat yes i do</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: THAT’S SWEET, DAVE, BUT I’M SERIOUS.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: I CAN FUCKING HANDLE MYSELF.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: I DON’T EVEN KNOW THIS GUY, AND I’M NOT GONNA UNDERSTAND ANY INSULTS HE THROWS AT ME ANYWAY.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: uh actually you might cuz i think you heard a few of em from me back in the day</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: OK, SURE, AND SEE WHAT HAPPENED TO ME?</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: I SURVIVED. I’M FINE!</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: IN FACT I’M MORE THAN FINE. I’M YOUR FUCKING MATESPRIT.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: dude</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: oh my god</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: you better not try to fucking date my bro</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: HAHA!</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: I DON’T THINK I WILL.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: i donno hes prolly gonna look exactly like me</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: I SEE GHOSTS WHO LOOK EXACTLY LIKE YOU ALL THE FUCKING TIME, DAVE, AND SOMEHOW I MANAGE TO RESTRAIN MYSELF.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: oh do you</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: YES, I FUCKING DO!</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: dont see how im hot fuckin stuff</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: OH MY GOD.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: ...</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: DOES THIS FUCKING BULLSHIT MEAN YOU’RE FEELING A LITTLE BETTER?</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: haha yeah i guess it does</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: i donno im still for sure not lookin forward to it</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: but youre right talking through its definitely helping some</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: GOOD.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: WE SHOULD DO THIS SOMETIMES, THEN.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: TALK ABOUT LITTLE THINGS YOU’RE NERVOUS ABOUT.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: dude i donno if this qualifies as little</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: SORRY.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: yeah i do</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: thanks</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: ...</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: do you think we could lay off problems for a while tho</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: just shoot the shit have a good time talk about nonsense</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: YEAH, OF COURSE!</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: UM...</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: DO YOU...</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: KNOW WHAT THE REST OF THE HUMAN ANCESTORS ARE LIKE AT ALL?</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: OR SHIT, IS THAT TOO CLOSE TO HOME?</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: naw man thats fine</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: lets see</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: roses mom i think was pretty fuckin cool honestly</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: like rose complains a lot and im sure she wasnt perfect</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: like the woman appreciated a drink</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: and also the odd wizard</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: WHAT?</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: man who the fuck knows</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: but the thing is i think she was also like</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: really fucking brilliant</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: she built this awesome fuckin anime villain lab</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: was way into sci fi cloning and transportalizing and shit</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: i donno im pretty fuckin psyched to meet that person</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: especially if theyre like</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: my mom</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: hey thats right you get to meet my mom too kinda</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: thatll be nice</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: yeah huh that sounds really cool actually im lookin forward to that</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: not that i fuckin know this girl at all or anything but</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: yknow</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: itll still be nice to introduce you to her</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: YEAH.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: THAT DOES SOUND NICE.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: :)</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: (:B</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: lets see as far as the others i dont know as much</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: john and jades grandma and grandpa died before i knew them</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: although jades grandpa was a semi famous billionaire</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: and from what i gather from online sources he was a total weirdo and also possibly a total horndog</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: like were talkin a family in every port if you know what i mean</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: UH.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: sorry thats a WHOLE lotta family for somebody who doesnt get it huh</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: shit i donno maybe it was just tabloids and anyway this dudes just gonna be a kid</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: like thatd be wild as hell if that was true for him</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: um</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: oh yeah john turned his grandma into a sprite so he actually got to hang with her in the game which is pretty cool i guess</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: according to him she was really sweet and funny and nice</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: so i guess she took to it better than jade and me</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: but we both know johns not the most perceptive tool in the shed</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: knowing him that means like she laughed once</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: and shes actually like a horribly tortured soul that yearns for the sweet release of oblivion</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: pretty much total toss up there</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: UM.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: whats up dude</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: I ACTUALLY SAW QUITE A BIT OF HER.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: oh yeah?</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: YEAH. UH...</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: oh shit on the trollian viewer thats right</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: cuz you were all watchin john like a hawk with a cute lil birdy hate crush</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: UGGH...</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: hey karkat its cool</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: you dont have to be cagey about that or anything ok</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: EHH...</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: im serious bro</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: you can talk to me about that stuff</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: YOU SURE?</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: yeah dude</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: i mean you know about my shit too and tbh mines hells more embarrassing</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: THAT IS SO NOT TRUE DAVE.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: uh yeah it definitely is</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: you had a few hours of smitten cross cultural confusion</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: who among us has not am i right</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: HMM.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: whereas i hitched my wagon firmly to the unrequited best bro burgeoning sexual awakening train</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: which i was likely fuckin destined to ride for the next roughly five to infinity years by the way</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: saved only by the fact that it turns out i was actually LITERALLY destined to leave it all behind and meet your dumb ass</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: WOW, DAVE.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: AND YOU SAY YOU’RE NOT A ROMANTIC.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: what i never say that</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: YOU say that</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: HA.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: look all im sayin is</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: maybe we can both agree that john egbert is one spectacularly goofy kid and move on</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: OH ABSOLUTELY.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: haha</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: so anyway yeah</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: uh</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: what WAS his grandma like</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: OH RIGHT.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: UM...</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: SHE ACTUALLY DID LAUGH A WHOLE FUCK OF A LOT.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: ok</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: but like</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: how much is a lot</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: cuz you know you laugh a certain amount then sure youre prolly actually just havin a good time</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: youre the fuckin ghosty life of the party</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: but theres an invisible unknowable line in there somewhere</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: no one knows exactly where it is</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: but we can all agree that you step one laugh over it and boom outta nowhere youre laughin TOO much</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: you have strayed straight into tormented soul territory</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: HMM.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: SHE DIDN’T SEEM THAT TORMENTED TO ME.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: ok sweet</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: I THINK IT WAS A NORMAL AMOUNT OF TOO MUCH LAUGHING.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: SHE *WAS* ALSO PART JESTER.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: oh shit thats right</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: well fuck</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: maybe all bets are off then huh</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: MAYBE.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: shit maybe this is pointless anyway</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: i mean these are gonna be totally different people right</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: growin up under bizarrely different circumstances</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: theyre literally gonna be alternate universe versions of the people we used to know</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: like sure theyre the same genetically</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: but whats that really worth</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: i mean take a look at you and your ancestor</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: OH MY GOD DO I HAVE TO?</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: haha yeah thats kinda my point</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: like you and kankri are genetically identical right</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: OH MY GOD.</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: SUPPOSEDLY.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: hey no supposin about it</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: youre solely responsible for that shit if anybody knows it oughta be you</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: UGGGH!</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: yeah well all im sayin is</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: i donno what exactly counts as nature or nurture or whatever the hell else</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: all i know is im not here snugglin with that guy</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: OH JESUS FUCK!</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: HOW CAN YOU POSSIBLY PUT THAT IMAGE IN MY HEAD??</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: haha</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: sorry man</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: BLEH!</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: you get what i mean tho</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: maybe theyll be totally different too</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: who the fuck knows</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: MAYBE THAT MEANS YOUR BRO *WILL* BE TOTALLY DIFFERENT.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: mm</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: maybe</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: I GUESS WE’LL JUST HAVE TO WAIT AND SEE.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: yeah guess so</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: theres no way were gonna know til we get there</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: YEAH.</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: ...</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: ...</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: OH HOLY *FUCK!*</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: what</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: I JUST REMEMBERED!</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: ??</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: THE FUCKING MANGLERS!</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: THEY BEAT PEOPLE *WITH* FISH!</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: bahahaha</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: OH MY GOD THAT IS *SUCH* A LOAD OFF MY MIND!</span><br/>
<span class="dave">DAVE: oh yeah mine too karkat im so fucking glad that existed my life is finally complete</span><br/>
<span class="karkat">KARKAT: YOU'RE FUCKING WELCOME.</span><br/>
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